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A cat? No. A dog? No. The baby? No. The winner is…my darling son!!!! (And his older sister, my secret informant, says he did it on purpose.)
Does anybody know if The Citadel accepts 5 year-olds?
(If you dare: For more real-life boys’ toileting facts, visit Jen’s hilarious post: Thirteen Things I’ve Learned From Potty Training Two Boys at Never A Dull Moment .)
This is how I feel today. In fact this is how I have felt ever since I returned from vacation two weeks ago.
My space and my mind are cluttered. The more I try to declutter, the more rapidly “stuff” accumulates there.
Today was my oldest daughter’s first day back at school. Unfortunately my son still has two more weeks at home. Without his sister, he is wandering the house like a lost soul.
I was going to send him outside on his bike and use this day to actually accomplish something. To finally sort my desk, my house, and my brain.
I tidied up a bit this morning during baby nap time. I figured that this afternoon I would tackle The-Dirty-Laundry-That-Ate-Arizona (read about it at CNN.com).
After running to the bank to deposit the one check (of three) that I was able to dig out of the clutter, I returned home to find the carpet cleaners standing in my driveway with their hands on their hips, tapping their feet, looking at their watches. I thought they were coming on Friday. Ooops!
I wildly chased my seven cats all over the house, attempting to corral them in the laundry room as the carpet cleaners watched with amusement.
Since we have about 15 square feet of non-carpeted floor in my giant carpeted house, we ended up hanging out in the driveway all afternoon because the baby would not stay put in the kitchen and wanted to “help.” I tried to make some phone calls out there, but the static from being outside on a cordless phone combined with the background noise of the carpet cleaning truck made this difficult. I even tried to call my friend Wishy for some sympathy, but she was out. We were truly unplugged.
By the time they left, it was time for a nice dinner of leftovers and then bed for the kids. First we had to FIND the beds, which had been piled with all the bits and pieces usually located on their floors.
I then tried to put some of the The-Dirty-Laundry-That-Ate-Arizona in the drier and noticed that crazy White Kitty was still hiding behind the drier, and had somehow managed to detach the drier vent pipe from the wall. I am too tired to begin moving driers and fiddling with vent pipe now.
So, here I am amidst the mental and physical rubble of my life. I type on the computer as a kitten sits next to my chair, attempting to devour a cupcake paper that she found who knows where.
My big furniture is back in place, but all the little “stuff” is pushed over onto the wood floor of my kitchen while the carpet dries. Baskets of kids’ books, baby gates, baby toys, odd chairs, a laundry basket full of dirty clothes, and several assorted pairs of shoes surround me as I lament the waste of my morning. Why bother tidying up when all that soul-satisfying order can so quickly return to chaos?
How much is in my bank account right now? Where is my agenda book that would have told me the correct day for the big carpet cleaning? Why do I have 97 already-read email messages in my Inbox? See! Clutter on the computer too!
The phone rings. Can I find it? Yes, this time, but thankfully I have four rings to try. Can I find a scrap of paper to write down a phone message? No. A pen that works? Forget it.
Help!!!
Thanks to Wikimedia Commons for this photo. Click here for license information.
My sister has a cockatiel who rings like a telephone and then, putting his foot up to his ear (I am not making this up), says “Hello?”
Last night I was cooking dinner when I overheard my 6 year-old daughter, who was on the sofa with a book, saying “Now [4 year-old brother], I really need some alone time. You never let me have time for myself!” (I am not making this up either).
Gee, I wonder where she heard that? Do I say that kind of thing a lot? Probably. I like “alone time” and I don’t get much of it anymore. Does my sister talk on the phone a lot? Well, certainly enough for her cockatiel to have noticed!
The point is that children, like parrots, imitate what they hear. That is a scary realization. If I am being “less than mature” and pouty because I want “my alone time,” how can I be surprised when my children are “less than mature” and pouty because they want another story and it is 8PM on a school night.
My baby girl says “yeah” instead of yes. I guess I say “yeah” a lot instead of yes too. Among the first words of my two oldest was “actually,” used grammatically correctly. Actually, never until then, did I actually realize that I say “actually” a lot.
It is hard being a parent and having to set a perfect example 24 hours a day. Sometimes, I just want to pick my nose. There. I said it. Online, for the world to read. It is up to you to decide if I want to “literally” pick my nose (don’t worry, I won’t post photos), or figuratively pick my nose.
So…parents beware. Pick your nose in private only. And make sure that your most daring cuss word is “actually,” otherwise your child’s preschool teacher will have a good laugh!
Parrot photo thanks to morguefile.com and photographer lightfoot. Nose-picker photo thanks to morguefile.com and photographer David Kitchenham (www.photomime.co.uk).
“Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom,…” Have you ever wondered how many times a day you hear that word? Read on for the answer (scientifically proven)!
We are so eager for our little angels to speak. After many months of toiling selflessly for them, losing sleep for them, catering to their every little need, how we long to hear that first amazing “mama.” However, a few years of ever increasing use of the “M-word” plus a few siblings added into the mix can make Mom go seriously crazy!
I finally became so crazy, and curious, that I bought a click counter (like they use at theaters and such to measure attendance). Each summons got one click. The results of my first weekend experiment with two speaking children:
Saturday: 129 “moms”
Sunday: 119 “moms” (and they were away for three hours in the afternoon that day!)
Aagh!!!! No wonder we Moms can get a little nutso from time to time!
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