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By Mom Unplugged, October 1, 2007 8:10 pm

Fall is here which means that Halloween is coming. My heart sinks when I think of all the candy my kids will receive, and of course want to eat.

Until now, I have always taken the wimpy way out. My Method One is to allow them to eat one or two pieces a day. Eventually they lose interest in it, at which point I whisk it away and hide it at the back of a high kitchen cupboard. If no one mentions the candy for a few weeks, then into the trash it goes.

My Method Two is to throw away one or two pieces of candy a day so as to make it disappear more rapidly. The most effective approach used to be a combination of Methods One and Two.

But as the kids get older, they seem to remember the existence of the candy for a longer period of time each year, which makes Method One increasingly more difficult to carry out successfully. They also now have a complete mental inventory of every piece of candy in their bag, so Method Two no longer works at all. This year it is clearly time for me to reconsider the Great Candy Dilemma.

MC Milker, the Not Quite Crunchy Parent, wrote a great post the other day about The Candy Fairy. The solution she proposes and has actually used successfully is, in my mind, PURE GENIUS. If there can be a Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, why couldn’t there be a Candy Fairy? Children leave their Halloween candy on the doorstep at night and in the morning the candy is gone, but a small gift is there in its place. Brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that when my children were younger?

The Candy Fairy can come at Easter too. And why not after birthday parties where candy has been a bit too generously doled out?

According to MC Milker, it is advisable to start talking up The Candy Fairy well in advance of the holiday. For example, starting now for a Halloween Candy Fairy visit insures that the brain washing is fully in place by October 31st. Plus, there are complicated logistics and negotiations that must be handled. When does The Candy Fairy come exactly? How much candy does she expect to receive? I am obviously a novice when it comes to all this. For more expert advice, you should really read MC’s post.

The only problem I can foresee in my own situation is how to explain the sudden arrival on the scene of The Candy Fairy to my 5 and 7 year-old who are regular customers of Santa and The Tooth Fairy, but who have never ever heard of The Candy Fairy. I just don’t think they would buy into the fantasy.

After mulling it all over, I have come up with my own “Mom” variation of The Candy Fairy:

This Halloween I will offer a choice. They can keep their candy, or they can cash it in for a surprise from me. I expect that they will opt for the latter. To make it fun we’ll leave the candy outside the front door which is where they will find their surprise the next morning. I think that this idea has great potential. I’ll report back after Halloween.

Now that I think of it, if this works, perhaps we could start a kind of “candy savings account” where all birthday party candy, Valentine’s candy etc. can be accumulated until there is enough for The Candy Fairy to take in exchange for a gift.

Wouldn’t this encourage saving and spending in addition to making the dentist happy?

Thank you for sharing this exciting idea MC! You may well have changed my life…perhaps I am being a tad dramatic…but I think you have resolved my Great Candy Dilemma for another few years at least!

Thanks to morguefile.com and photographer dieraecherin for the candy photo.

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By Mom Unplugged, September 26, 2007 10:14 pm

My second grade daughter came home from school the other day with her reading and writing homework. Part of the homework was to write three sentences about what she wants to do when she grows up…or if she doesn’t know what she personally wants to do, then what some other grownup that she knows does. Did the teacher REALLY CARE what she wrote about?? NO! Obviously, he just wanted to see three coherent sentences!!

Ah ha, but you must understand that my oldest daughter is a Drama Queen (DQ for short). And not just any kind of DQ, she is a Perfectionist DQ. She has inherited all my “best” traits.

According to family legend, this particular daughter has been sent down to curse me for the Oscar winning performance given by “moi” when I was probably about my daughter’s age and had just gotten my tonsils out. I put on quite the show of theatrics and emotion, refusing to eat or drink for days. Goodness, it was so great that even I remember it!

My one-child performance was finally brought to a grinding halt by my no-nonsense physician-father who threatened me with an IV if I didn’t start eating and drinking ASAP. And wouldn’t you know it, I was CURED. Immediately. Completely. Sore throat? What sore throat?

Anyhow, back to my daughter who is way worse than I ever was. By the way, I know that she really IS worse than me because this fact is unanimously agreed upon by all family members who were direct witnesses to my Oscar winning moment. So let’s return to her writing assignment.

She didn’t know what she wanted to be. (Sob, sob, sob) And she didn’t want to write about Daddy. (Sob sob, sob) Didn’t want to write about Auntie. (WAIL! WAIL! Sob, sob, sob) Didn’t want to write about Pop Pop. (Hand on the forehead, WAIL, WAIL, sob, sob, sob).

After a careful explanation about how her teacher was really not expecting a Pulitzer Prize-winning three sentence chef-d’oeuvre, I made the mistake of saying:

“Well, what about me? What do I do all day?”

My daughter stopped sobbing and looked at me with an expression that said that she was completely perplexed that I would ever ask such a question.

Her response:

“Nothing.”

Yes. I do NOTHING all day long. My 7 year-old daughter is finally on to me. I lie on the sofa and take naps. I take long, luxurious baths with expensive French bath salts. I drink very old Bordeaux while reclining in the sun on the back deck.

Yes. The laundry does itself. Groceries magically materialize in the fridge and the pantry. Meals make themselves. Beds make themselves. The pets feed themselves. The house tidies itself. The litter boxes scoop themselves. The car drives the children to and from school by itself. The garden weeds and waters itself. The bills pay themselves. Cat vomit magically flies off the carpet back into the cat. And of course the baby changes and disposes of her own dirty diapers (don’t all babies do that?).

Admittedly, none of what I do now is very exciting to a child, or to anyone for that matter. But I did have quite an adventurous life pre-momhood, and my daughter knows that! I had kind of thought she might want to write about having a Mom who can fly a plane for example.

But no. All that is forgotten. Mom is just the dreary boring old thing that drones on about picking up the toys and doing the homework. The automaton. The background noise. The “snow” on our no-channel TV. The Nothing.

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By Mom Unplugged, September 26, 2007 10:26 am

I haven’t written directly about TV and kids in a while, but this morning I happened to stumble upon this interesting recent study published in the May 2007 Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, entitled Television and DVD/Video Viewing in Children Younger Than 2 Years.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under age 2 years, watch no TV. But how much TV are children under 24 months really watching? This study attempts to answer that question.

The findings:

- By 3 months of age, about 40% of children regularly watched TV, DVDs or videos.

- By 24 months of age, 90% of children regularly watched TV, DVDs, or videos.

- The median age at which regular media exposure was introduced was 9 months.

- Average viewing time per day for children less than 1 year: 1 hour

- Average viewing time per day for children ages 1 to 2: more than 1.5 hours

- Parents watched with their children more than half the time, but only 32% watched with their child every time.

- Most common reasons for media exposure in children less than 2: education, entertainment, babysitting.

Conclusions:

“Parents should be urged to make educated choices about their children’s media exposure. Parental hopes for the educational potential of television can be supported by encouraging those parents who are already allowing screen time to watch with their children.”

(Study was based on a telephone survey of 1,009 parents of children ages 2 months - 24 months, and was conducted by Frederick J. Zimmerman, PhD; Dimitri A. Christakis, MD, MPH; and Andrew N. Meltzoff, PhD.)

You can read the brief summary here, and the full article (which provides much more detail) here.

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By Mom Unplugged, September 18, 2007 10:15 pm

I read on Mama’s Moon (Monday Morning Munchies) that this week is National Eat Dinner Together Week. National Eat Dinner Together Week was inaugurated in 1996 by America’s Pork Producers and the National Pork Board. Despite the meaty sponsor, even vegetarians can participate in this (hopefully) worthy venture.

I started out researching this post thinking I could cite one, or maybe two studies and have the information all there for you. But, apparently there are many studies that each contribute a few small aspects to the big picture.

Being a terminal nerd, I hate it when an article says “studies say…” without giving a citation. What I learned in one hour of research however, is that if I wanted to spend an entire year on this post (which I can assure you, I don’t) I could.

So this time I shall just have to overcome my natural nerdy tendencies and simply say, here are five benefits of kids and parents / parent eating dinner together at least five times per week. It all makes logical sense to me:

1) Better nutrition. In most cases, kids eat better at home (less fast food and junk). Plus they learn better dietary habits.

2) Kids do better in school and are less likely to use drugs and alcohol (for the whole study, click here).

3) Family dinner creates an automatic “check-in” time. Kids must be home and available to talk about their day.

4) Dinnertime conversation helps with language skills (and, on a personal note, I would have to add - table manners, an important, but often overlooked skill these days).

5) Spending time together as a family creates happy memories (hopefully!) and family bonding.

On the flip side: If your family is really dysfunctional, studies show that perhaps family mealtimes might not be so beneficial.

Some good advice for everyone, whether dysfunctional or not, is to focus on open-ended questions and not discuss super sensitive topics at the table. If you ask an open-ended question it is always very telling to see where kids will take it, and can lead to some valuable exchanges of information.

Of course it easy for me, mother of three children age 7 and under to pontificate on the virtues of family meals. Those of you with active teenagers may be wondering how to fit family meals in along with sports, cheerleading, play practice, dance, music and whatever else kids do these days.

I have my own views on the drawbacks of overscheduling children’s lives, but since my children are so young, it is hard for me to provide much practical advice on how to avoid this all-to-common phenomenon. If anyone has successfully managed to escape the vicious cycle of teen activities, please feel free to speak up in the comments or an email. I am eager to take notes for the future!

Some links for further information:

The 5 Benefits-and a Few Risks-of Eating Together at the Dinner Table

Family Mealtimes: More Than Just Eating Together

Eat Better, Eat Together: Background Research on Family Meals

And, on a lighter note, don’t miss this quick post on the perils of dining with three children age 4 and under: The Benefits of Eating Together from the blog Jumping Monkeys.

Thanks to morguefile.com and photographer cohdra for this photo.

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By Mom Unplugged, September 12, 2007 9:21 pm

For someone who is supposed to be “unplugged,” I seem to spend quite a bit of time flitting about on Amazon. We have no decent local bookstore (sorry “Bookworm”), and I love books. Even our local library is poorly stocked. So that is my excuse and I am sticking to it!

Anyhow, one of my happy Amazon finds one day was this lovely book: The Sense of Wonder, by Rachel Carson. I wasn’t really sure what to expect from the book, although the description and reviews on Amazon made it sound wonderful.

The text is a republication of a 1956 essay by “ahead of her time” environmental writer Rachel Carson (Essay: “Help Your Child to Wonder,” Woman’s Home Companion magazine, July 1956). In this edition, her inspiring words are accompanied by gorgeous, and often unusual, nature photographs by Nick Kelsh. As the dust jacket flap says: “Kelsh’s camera is drawn to patterns in nature that all too often elude hurried adults…” which is the whole point of Rachel Carson’s essay.

This is a big book (111 pages), but much of it is photography. I was easily able to read the whole thing in bed one night before going to sleep (and believe me, I am so tired at the end of the day that I don’t usually last long, no matter how good the book).

Rachel Carson writes about helping children discover nature, and about rediscovering nature with a childlike sense of wonder as an adult. This wonderful essay is a compilation of Carson’s thoughts about experiencing the world of Maine’s rocky coast with her nephew Roger. As she says:

“If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder…he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement, and mystery of the world we live in.” (p.55)

Carson speaks much of “feeling” vs. “knowing,” exploring with the senses rather than the intellect. She expresses her philosophy in this wonderful image:

“If facts are the seeds that later produce knowledge and wisdom, then the emotions and the impressions of the senses are the fertile soil in which the seeds must grow. The years of early childhood are the time to prepare the soil.” (p.56)

Another all-too-true lesson from this book is that as adults, we tend not to see that which is available to us every day. We grown-ups lose ourselves in the artificial and mundane. We forget how to really observe and experience the world, and tend to take the nature around us for granted. Because we can see the stars almost every night, we never actually stop to take the opportunity to gaze at the stars! Just as when living near the Grand Canyon, for example, one never goes to visit it.

The next time you “see nature,” even if it is only a bird momentarily alighting on the railing of your city apartment balcony, Ms. Carson urges you to ask yourself:

“What if I had never seen this before? What if I knew I would never see it again?” (p.67)

Relearn the observation of the natural world using all your senses. See the beauty and perfection, even in the tiniest of objects. Take a hike in the woods (or your local city park) equipped with only a magnifying glass and an eager child to see what beauty you can find.

I find this book to be so inspirational, every time I read it I want to immediately drop the laundry basket and rush outside with my children! Honestly, I could read it over and over again. It evokes in me the same feelings that I experienced while reading Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s Gift from the Sea(published in 1955). I simply can’t believe that these amazing women wrote these remarkable words fifty years ago.

There are many obvious differences between the two books, but deep down, they convey the same message and have the same peaceful and comforting “feel” about them. How interesting that they were written within one year of each other, both works taking place by the sea in New England, and both authored by extraordinary women. I wish I had a doctoral thesis to write (in all my free time) because I certainly see a fascinating one here.

I wholeheartedly recommend this book to any parent, especially those of the Waldorf, Montessori, or home school persuasion. If you are like me, you will want to read it over and over again. If you are still not convinced, then check it out of the library and I bet that after a quick read you will be ready to invest in a hardcover version of your very own.