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By Mom Unplugged, April 13, 2007 2:54 am

This blog thing has become obsessive. My husband calls it my “soft addiction.” I guess there are worse things to be addicted to: drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex in public places, catnip…

This addiction all started thanks to a friend of mine whom I shall call my “enabler,” or “E” for short. You know who you are! You…YES YOU!!!

E said to me one day…

“You always pick such cool and unusual gifts for my daughter, have you ever thought about writing a shopping blog?”

“A blog?” I said, “What’s that?” (I have told you all many times that I live under a rock).

E pulled out her laptop and introduced me to the mysterious world of the “Blogosphere.”

“See, she said, I have one too!”

I thought I knew my friend pretty well, but if she had told me she liked to run around her yard naked at midnight under the full moon, I couldn’t have been more surprised.

“You do????” I said.

And so…the seed of my addiction was planted in the fertile but very bored soil of my brain. I thought about it, and Googled it, and thought about it some more. Why not try it I thought. Just once. After all, E does it. But I will only try a little, and only just this one time.

Well…that was January and now it is April…and I CAN’T STOP!!

Something on NPR the other day really made me think even more about why I am spending so much time doing this. There was a piece by a college student about the narcissism of today’s young people. One of the claims she made was that the popularity of blogging is an indicator, or perhaps a result, of this increase in narcissism. Wait a minute, I thought, I have a blog! Am I a narcissist too?

I have thought long and hard about this. But I don’t believe that blogging, my kind of blogging anyway, is about narcissism. I do not write because I think that I am such a fascinating and wonderful person that I owe it to the world to share my every thought, emotion, and daily event. For me it is a social past time.

I do have actual, “real-life” friends. In fact, in my current small town, I have met more wonderful people than I have ever met since I left grad school. So why should I feel the need for “virtual” friends and acquaintances?

The simple answer is that, although it is entirely my choice and I am grateful to be able to afford to do so, it is lonely being at home alone with a baby and/or a 4 and 6 year-old (depending on school schedules and illnesses). I can only change so many diapers, wipe so many noses, and referee so many battles before I feel my neurons fizzling and popping one by one in a slow and painful decline…one “mom” at a time.

The complicated answer is that technology has brought us social isolation. Cell phones, faxes, email, and the internet enable us to work and carry on with the business of life without the need for face to face, human contact. Perhaps blogging is a way for us to reach out and connect with others of similar interests and backgrounds, just as we might have “gathered in the town square” 200 years ago.

The other aspect that fascinates me about modern technology is that although it does promote physical isolation, it also makes the world a much smaller place. I am in awe of my Clustermap and my “stats.” When an internet cafe patron in China or a cat-lover in Europe can read this small town Arizona mother’s words within seconds of their “publication,” that is totally amazing! I am connecting with people I never would have known 200, 100, or even 10 years ago.

This desire to reach out and connect with others is inherent in human-nature. To me, that is what blogging is all about. If blogging is by definition narcissistic, then so are all friendships and relationships. And that, I refuse to believe.

So, thank you E for being the “pusher” of my addiction and dragging me out from under my rock. Even though I am not exactly “unplugged” anymore now that I blog, I am connected, and that is what really matters in life!

Thanks to morguefile.com and photographer penywise for this great picture!

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By Mom Unplugged, March 19, 2007 10:19 am

My kids are only 6, 4, and 14 months, but already with my 6 year-old I can see how it is easy to overschedule. I decided, before it was ever an issue, that I would allow one musical instrument (mandatory) and one activity per child. Well, my oldest did ballet last year and wanted to do it again, plus tap, this year. I agreed to the tap since the tap class met right after ballet and it would still only mean one trip to the dance studio per week.

Then, she wanted to try soccer because her friends liked it. My whole life I have been a total anti-jock (like matter and anti-matter!), you know the type - picked last for gym. Maybe it was even YOU the nasty jocky-type who said: “Well, I guess we’ll take HER, (big sigh plus flip of the oh so perfect jocky hair)…that’s OK, I forgive you… but… I digress. Anyhow, being far from a jock myself, I am very sensitive to the fact that I should afford my children every opportunity to do sports if they want to. After all, they say it IS good for you, right? So I said yes to the soccer (Saturday).

Then my 4 year-old son wanted to try soccer too…and dance! So just to be fair, I enrolled him in soccer and ballet too. Unfortunately his ballet is Wednesday, my daughter’s is Tuesday. Plus, their school offers an after-school art class one day a week (Thursday) that they absolutely love! We are now in three activities each, not including the musical instrument that they will do in the future, not including girl scouts that my daughter wants to do too, not including gymnastics, not including horseback riding, not including blah blah blah. You get the picture.

I rationalize this year’s situation by saying to myself that soccer season was only through October so it was a short commitment, therefore they are really only in two activities each (art and dance). I have not told them about the existence of T-ball or Little League. Until they hear about it from their friends and express an interest I am not going there!

They are 4 and 6! I want them to act like 4 and 6 year-olds. I want them to play, imagine, run around outside, lie on their backs and watch the clouds, build sofa cushion forts … not race from dance, to girl scouts, to sport, to art, to music, to whatever!

So next year, I am going to try and enforce my rule. If my daughter wants girl scouts, then dance or art have to go. We live in a small town with very few choices. What do people do in larger places where they have a whole smorgasbord of fun, educational activities to choose from?

I can see that it can become more and more difficult to avoid the overscheduling issue as children get older. However, I refuse to let us get sucked into that trap. I don’t want my kids to need their own personal secretary before they are even out of elementary school. I don’t want to give up family dinners because so-and-so has practice. I don’t want to spend my afternoons and evenings driving all over town.

And what will happen when the baby gets older and wants to do dance and soccer and art and music and Japanese lessons and baby spelunking and luge team and blah blah blah? That will be three kids who all have different schedules and needs. NOT AN OPTION!

I hope I have the strength to say NO despite the fact that their friends will have increasingly more complex schedules. Am I denying my children educational opportunities with this attitude? I really don’t think so. I think and hope that my children are the ones who will benefit from having a chance to check out ants and dig in the dirt while their friends are all off doing karate and whatever.

What do you remember most fondly from your childhood? The ballet lessons or building snow forts with your little brother and the neighborhood kids?

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By Mom Unplugged, March 10, 2007 8:59 am

I recently had a birthday. Yes, another one, but as my mother used to say: “At least it’s better than the alternative!” For my birthday my two oldest made me cards. Well, they didn’t exactly “make” the cards themselves, they used some blank cards someone had given them and wrote sweet messages inside. I tried not to take it personally that the pictures on the front of the cards were of dinosaurs!

The dinosaur thing got me thinking. I know my kids can’t understand time yet. I don’t think they believe me when I tell them that even though Mommy is old, she is not old enough to have gone bronco-riding on the back of a T-Rex.

When I tell them that there were no computers or cell phones when I was a child, they look at me like I have twelve heads. We didn’t even have cordless phones! “How did you talk?” “Well, we talked fine, but we just had to stand there tied to the phone by a long curly cord.” STAND THERE? I can see the wheels turning in their brains. You mean you had to just talk? You didn’t do the dishes, make beds, and change a diaper all while talking on the phone? Wow! What an odd concept!

Technology gives us the gift (?) of multitasking. We no longer do just one thing at a time. The Buddhists believe that you must “live in the moment,” savor every experience, enjoy the feeling of the water on your hands as you do the dishes, the texture of the sheets as you tuck them in, the smell of your baby as you change a diaper (well, maybe not then, not even for Buddhists). I believe that there is a lot to the theory that real happiness is indeed, living in the moment. Can we truly appreciate life as we race headlong through it, crazily attempting to accomplish five things at once?

How on earth did I get from dinosaurs to the meaning of life? This post has certainly taken on a direction all its own! There is another dinosaur-inspired post brewing in my head. More on that later. But for now, have a peaceful Saturday with your family and remember to put down that phone and enjoy life!

Thanks to morguefile.com and photographer Melodi2 for this unusual photo!

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By Mom Unplugged, March 9, 2007 4:30 pm

I have just found the following great post which might be of interest to some of my readers:

The Not Quite Crunchy Parent: Old Fashioned Play is a great Thursday 13 by Mom, MC Milker. She lists 13 low-tech but fun activities to do with your kids instead of organized sports (or TV?). This is one of my favorite topics too!

Thanks to morguefile.com and photographer Zach Carter for this great photo!

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By Mom Unplugged, March 7, 2007 11:07 am

Before my first child was born in 2000, my thoughts had already turned to how to raise her. I do believe that much of who we are comes “pre-programmed.” However, as all parents know, it is nonetheless thoroughly daunting to imagine providing a life for another human being. One thing I knew was that I did not want her to become an MTV and video-game obsessed teen, lazy and unable to think and act creatively.

Being an “older Mom” (I hate that term!), I found myself having those fuddy-duddy, “back in my day” type of thoughts. It was in my post-partum turmoil of hormones and angst that I stumbled upon Katrina Kenison’s soothing book Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry . My unsettled state was fertile ground for the author’s message that simplifying our children’s lives is satisfying and possible. The book left me full of warm fuzzy feelings and encouragement that one can create a simpler family environment.

I was filled anew with determination to raise my daughter more simply: no TV, simpler toys, fewer organized activities. I wanted her to have time to just be a child.

If anyone out there is contemplating these issues for themselves and wants a warm, little boost of encouragement, try this inspirational book. When I feel discouragement setting in, I reach for the “Mitten Strings” and read a chapter or two. That’s usually all it takes to set me right.