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By Mom Unplugged, July 1, 2008 1:28 pm

The big excitement around here at the moment is the “poTEEE” as my 2 year-old calls it. She has been interested in potties of all sorts from about 18 months on. I have been the one who has been stalling the whole potty training process (or potty “learning,” as they say now).

I am so over the eagerness to be out of diapers that I felt with my first child. Experience has taught me a lot.

Quite frankly, I have learned that diapers are easier. We never have to worry about where the nearest toilet is. We never have to worry about how clean the nearest toilet is. We never have to worry about messy accidents in awkward public places.

But now that she is 2 and a half, I have decided that I really must put my completely selfish attitude aside and take the big potty plunge. After all, I don’t want her to be stashing away some Depends along with her Chemistry textbook in her high school backpack.

The older two learned between 2 and a half and 3. They both wanted to go to “school” (Montessori preschool) and had to be 3 and free of diapers. The incentive of “school” was enough to motivate them and get them with the program in a matter of a day or two.

This time “school” is a bit farther off, so although I am talking up that aspect of things, I have had to be a bit more creative.

The other day we had a “Potty Fiesta” where I moved her little potty to the living room and let her run around bare-bottomed all morning, and with big girl undies on in the afternoon. This is a modified “run around the backyard naked” approach. Since we live on a golf course, I didn’t think it would be seemly to have her running around the backyard naked, even if she is only 2.

I also resorted to bribery: one Skittle for “wee-wee” and two Skittles for “poop.” The older two also get a Skittle treat when she goes, and that has caused them to become a most enthusiastic cheering section!

So far, so good. Accidents have been few and far between. She is very proud, and even came over to tell me out of the blue: “Mama, I’m a poTEEE trained.”

The only challenge I face now is that she has fallen so in love with her little “poTEEE,” that she refuses to go near a big toilet (even with a little seat on it). Any ideas on how to overcome PoTEEE Attachment and broaden the toilet horizons? I really don’t want to be toting the beloved “poTEEE” around with us every time we run an errand!

What tricks have you used to speed the potty process?

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By Mom Unplugged, June 17, 2008 8:59 am

The other day my oldest daughter (age 7) discovered a book that was tucked away in a basket by my toilet. It is The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays & Everydays by Meg Cox. As the title suggests, it is filled with all kinds of really fun, new family traditions for holidays or ordinary days. There are many examples of real families and their unusual and very original traditions.

Although my intentions were good when I bought the book (I wanted to create some new family rituals), and despite having read quite a bit of it, I have not yet incorporated any of the ideas into our lives.

My daughter appeared in the kitchen with the book in her hand. “Mom,” she said, “can we do some of these? Because I think our family is boring.”

After I finished mentally half laughing and half crying, I was able to clear my brain of its spontaneous outburst of uncharitable thoughts and realize where this comment came from.

One of my daughter’s best friends (an only child) had been going on a “knitting date” with her Mom (my friend Wishy) after summer camp that day. A trip to the knitting store, followed by some Mom and daughter time knitting together was so exciting that Wishy’s daughter had even run over to tell me all about it when I arrived to pick up my two children.

I explained to my daughter that although our family might seem “boring” compared to some others, she needed to remember that 1) Unlike some children, she had siblings to play with; 2) Most other families that she knows have two ever-present parents (my husband is only here two or three weekends a month); and 3) Only-children have both their parents’ undivided attention. Compare all this to me who has to care for three children 24/7 almost exclusively by myself, and you certainly have the recipe for a BORING FAMILY in the eyes of a 7 year-old.

My daughter actually seemed satisfied with this explanation and happily skipped off to play with her brother. I, however, began to brood about how nice it would be to have time to go on knitting dates with my daughter, or take the kids to the pool more, or bake cookies with them without being begged for days.

I mentioned this conversation to my friend Wishy, and confessed to being a bit jealous of her ability to take her daughter on “knitting dates.” She just laughed and explained that the only reason that they had done the “knitting date” in the first place, was that she had tired of her daughter’s whining about how boring her family was compared to my daughter’s, where there were always at least three kids running around in chaos. Plus, apparently we do “cool projects” (she was here for our Unplugged Project once - “paint”).

We shared a good chat and laugh over this. I was pleased to think that any family inadequacies perceived by my daughter (or me) were all due to perspective. The grass IS always greener on the other side of the fence.

++++++++++

Photo thanks to photographer Jim Munnelly and morguefile.com.

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By Mom Unplugged, May 10, 2008 1:54 pm

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Do we want undies or diapers? If diapers - then “big girl” (pull-ups) or baby diapers? Pants or dress? Which socks? Shall we dress ourself or have “Mamadoit?”

Getting dressed is not easy when you are two. It is not easy for the two year-old, and not easy for her mama.

Today was a good day for undies, we both agreed on that. Saturday, no errands, home all day. However, apparently the undies I had chosen were not satisfactory: “Nnnnno!” So I pulled out a second pair of absolutely identical undies and held them both out. “Would you like these undies or these undies?” I ask as patiently as I can manage.

My daughter M regards the proffered panties and examines each pair with great concentration, apparently not realizing that they are exactly the same. After much deliberation, she chooses one: “Dis one!” she says. As I begin to put the rejected undies back in the drawer she yells: “No, no, no! Dat one! Dat one!”

Now that The Great Panty Debate is behind us, we turn to the issue of clothing. My two year-old tiny tyrant marches off into the depths of the closet and emerges with a size four t-shirt that I was saving at the back of a shelf until she grew into it. I uselessly try to explain that the shirt is too big, but my littlest one is too busy trying to jam it over her head to listen or care. She finally flings the shirt down and it lands in a cold puddle of water on the bathroom floor. Now it can’t be worn.

After much screeching and posturing from us both, we eventually come to a truce. The wet shirt goes, but M shall choose the replacement outfit. She once again disappears into the dark reaches of the closet and reappears with a rather masculine striped t-shirt previously belonging to her brother (at least it was the correct size) and a gauzy pink dance skirt.

“Mines! Mines! Mines!” she yells as she struggles to squeeze her head through the sleeve of the t-shirt. I know better than to interfere, and sit back to watch the show. The flailing and grunting and crying escalate until she flings the offending shirt at me while barking out the order: “Mamadoit!”

“What do you say?” I ask calmly. “Pleeeeez” she responds, and she finally deigns to accept my assistance with the dressing procedure.

Total time? 24 minutes. I feel I need a nap or a glass of wine, or perhaps both…and I have only been up for about an hour.

~~~+++Happy Mothers’ Day weekend! +++~~~

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By Mom Unplugged, March 28, 2008 9:36 pm

My friend Wishy and I had a good laugh one day when we discovered that a classmate of our daughters was teaching the other children “bad words” by not actually saying the word itself, but by saying it backwards. Wishy’s daughter said to her in hushed tones: “Mom, did you know that “tish” spelled backwards is a bad word?” Further parental inquiry revealed that she knew that “cuff” spelled backwards was bad too.

A recent NPR piece entitled Why Kids Curse, brought this rather amusing memory back to me. Although we wish our children would never learn the “bad words,” it does inevitably happen. Unfortunately when it happens, is commonly sooner rather than later. Many parents seem to have a funny or embarrassing story of a precocious child and inappropriate language. Of course children might pick up bad language at home, but often it is from schoolmates or friends.

The NPR piece relates the funny tale of Yale psychologist Paul Bloom, whose 6 year-old announced one day the words that he had “learned” from overhearing the babysitter on the phone. He and his wife then decided to create an experiment in which they would invent some family swear words to see if their kids picked them up:

“So one of them was ‘flep,’” says Bloom. Whenever someone would bang their foot or hurt their toe, they’d scream “flep” as if it were an obscenity.

The experiment was very short-lived.

“It was a total failure,” says Bloom. “The children looked at us as if we were crazy.”

The reason for this failure? Kids are more influenced by their peers than their parents, according to Harvard psychologist Steven Pinker.

As I am interested in both parenting and linguistics, I found this story to be fascinating from both standpoints. There is more to the piece than what I mention here, so I encourage you to give it a read or a listen if you have a few minutes to spare.

And what on Earth does all this have to do with TV? Well, read on:

A study by the Parents Television Council found that about once an hour children watching popular children’s networks will hear mild curse words such as “stupid,” “loser” and “butt.” The scope and frequency can rise immeasurably with exposure to adult programs and popular music.

That’s the connection!

Link: Why Kids Curse - transcript and audio link (7:07)

(Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons)

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By Mom Unplugged, March 3, 2008 9:47 pm

On Saturday my 7 year-old daughter had her always homeschooled 9 year-old friend over. I went about my business listening with amusement to the chatter and negotiations involved in a complicated game of “fairies,” complete with multiple changes of fairy outfits.

In the context of the recent NPR reports about the disappearance (and importance of) good old-fashioned imaginative play, the afternoon of overhearing the girls play fairies resonated with me even more than usual. In case you missed it, I wrote about both these reports recently (Imaginative Play and Cognitive Function and “Creative Play Makes for Kids in Control”).

Side note: I wonder how many 7 and 9 year-old girls play fairies any more?

I have spent a lot of time in the past week reflecting on my “parenting-style,” such as it is. Here are a few highlights:

1) Obviously I believe that too many electronic toys, games, video games and TV can be harmful. You only have to look at the title of my blog to figure that one out!

2) I have also never felt that I needed to be my children’s activity-director (like Julie on The Love Boat, to bring a TV-related image into this). See: How to get by Without the Electronic Babysitting Box. My mother didn’t spend all day entertaining me, although I certainly would have liked it if she did. There is a very common belief out there that if your children are TV-free, more input and direction are required of the parents. Many feel that a TV-free life means getting fewer things done for yourself, and a commitment to spending lots of time with your child. I have to say that I respectfully disagree with this school of thought. Which leads to…

3) I think there is nothing wrong with children being bored. In fact I believe that out of boredom comes creative play. See: Let Your Kids be Bored.

4) I feel that children today are overscheduled. I can already see that overscheduling is an easy trap to fall into, especially as children get older. I am precariously attempting to maintain a delicate balance between an activity or two, and lots of free time “to be bored.” I feel a bit like a tightrope walker… See: The Six Year-Old and Her Executive Secretary.

True Confession Time:

I absolutely adore my children with all my heart and I love spending (some) time with them. I enjoy the Unplugged Project because we can all sit down together once a week and have some fun. Yet I don’t want to be communing with my kids all day long. I wish I did, but I don’t. I have interests and goals too, and I don’t want to ignore that part of myself just because I am a TV-free, stay-at-home mom.

I am in complete awe and admiration of all those moms (and dads) out there who homeschool. (I expressed my feelings about the first day of school here: The Rapture). I would certainly attempt homeschooling if I was unhappy with the current school situation (a small Montessori school that has been wonderful for us), but honestly I think homeschooling would be hard for me. Have any of you homeschooling parents felt such things, and if so, how did you overcome it?

My friend Wishy and I talk about this subject often. We have come to the conclusion that we must be missing some sort of “mothering gene.” We worry about being Bad Moms, or at the very least, Slacker Moms.

Wishy is a big believer in “Love and Logic” parenting and she has kindly passed along a few of the podcasts. “Love and Logic” calls for a consistent approach to parenting (with which I completely agree, although consistency can be hard to carry out successfully sometimes). In fact in one of the podcasts, they go as far as to say (kind of jokingly, yet kind of not) that it is even OK to be a substandard parent, as long as you are consistently substandard. “Consistently substandard.” I like that!

And now that there has been this recent public revelation of the value of leaving kids alone to just play in creative and imaginary ways without adult involvement, I am beginning to feel like my Consistently Substandard Slacker parenting style might not be so bad after all. (I call it: CSS Parenting).